Jun 19
Shirt design from Ideall Clothing A couple of minor celebrities have insulted Toronto. Some people have freaked out and a major paper has gone into tantrum mode. It’ll spend the summer reassuring its readers that this is the greatest city on on Earth. They want people to talk about where to get a good bagel. …
Apr 26
The Toronto Transit workers are the paper anus of a pancake. They rend upwards to noodle . . . Sorry, I think my Salvador Dali cufflinks are getting to me. The appropriate reaction to the TTC strike is more along these lines: OH MY GOD!!! HELP ME!!! WHAT WILL I DO?! Well, I’ll do what …
Feb 24
A fairly large section of Queen West, fairly close to where I work, burned down. And there’s nothing like a tragedy to bring out the most shamelessly vulgar in people. Unfortunately, there’s also a downside: Slack jawed tourists with cameras. Some people just need to pick through the rubble of other people’s lives and take …
Dec 17
I wouldn’t say that I’m a hero for walking to work today. I just did what anyone else with no money for cab fare and a rabid hatred of the TTC would do. So, while I wouldn’t say that I’m a hero, you can, of course, feel free to say it: Ryan is a hero. …
Dec 16
It’s snowing like a motherfucker. You know, like someone having sexual intercourse with their mother. That’s how it’s snowing. I like it. The snow, that is. You should probably keep your dick out of mom. The newscasters are all in a tizzy, of course. These days they fly into a panic if it rains. My …
Oct 27
I was out shopping today, buying owl-kites, banana-split favored coffee, pipes and pink ties because, apparently, I’m well on my way to becoming a villain in a children’s story, when I happened to glance the cover of today’s Toronto Sun. “Veiled Threat” it says. With a picture of a Muslim woman in a veil. Pretty …
Jul 29
There’s been a lot of Toronto in the news lately. I gave up reading or watching the local propaganda but I pick things up from the ambient information. A headline glimpsed here, a conversation there, you know; background noise. From what I gather the mayor was unable to get some of Toronto’s money back from …
Mar 20
When Miss. Martindale was asked by The Chap Magazine, what the single greatest challenge to her wardrobe and grooming skill was, she replied thus: “Travelling on any form of public transport – a thing which I very rarely do, owing to the declining standards of the public.” I have to agree. I have finally given …
Mar 18
Like most people in the year twenty aught seven, I live in a sprawling urban complex that holds millions. And like most people I wonder about these weird things, about their nature and organization. Just what the fuck is a city anyway? They seem to have grown out of the earth like mountain ranges. They …
Oct 23
I’ve started working for BlogTO. It’s pretty popular (45,000 unique visitors a month and 85,000 page views) and covers the city of Toronto. But the best thing about it is that I’m now part of the press. That’s means freebies. I can go to events for free, get books for free and get other things …
