May
21
It’s almost The Rapture. You’ve formed a plan for your atheist pets, deleted your porn stash and got right with Jesus.Either that or you’re shooting heroin with a prostitute while being double penetrated by a goat and Anton LeVey. But whatever you’re doing, there’s only one thing left to figure out. Just what do you wear to The Rapture? …
May
06
It feels like I’ve been attending and complaining about FAT (Toronto’s Alternative Fashion Week) for years. Double checking that feeling against my blog archives, I’m surprised to learn that my memory is correct. My first mention of it is back in 2006 and now it’s, um, a different year. Also: Holy shit, I’ve kept this blog for …
Feb
10
When doing too much make sure that it’s enough. I don’t usually care for this sort of thing but this shirt and collar is great. None of it would work without that peculiar head popping out the top of it. As Ms. Zoetica Ebb said earlier on the Twitter: “Don’t ever look like your clothes …
Oct
22
When reading about suits, one can find quite a bit of fussy, fashionable nonsense. Edicts about the amount of buttons, the ones that should be done up and the correct width of ties. While some of these make a great deal of sense (meaning I subscribe to them) others are just passed from person to person without much intervening thought. Indeed, some of these, at one time, did make sense but in today’s world veer into obsolescence. The basic rules of fit, texture and color remain fundamental. Some of the other stuff can be dispensed with.
Mar
02
I thought about blogging about the Buy Design campaign and the photoshoot but I can’t remember much about the shoot and I don’t really understand the charity. It supplies poor people with new clothes? Some sort of sweaters for hobos initiative? Frankly, I’m not sure I approve of that. If paupers have new clothes, how …
Jan
15
pic nicked from here When a ship is at sea for a long time, a bizarre species of crustacean, known as barnacles, affix themselves to the hull. Although one barnacle does no damage, too many impair the ship’s speed and manoeuvrability. When that happens, the ship must return to port to be cleaned, stripped and …
Nov
15
GalaxyDress: The biggest LED dress in the world debuts | DVICE. When this becomes suit technology, the way will be paved for the second coming of Liberace. It was foretold by the elders.
Sep
02
While sneakers have been naming their shoes after celebrities for quite some time, it now seems that dress shoes have caught onto this branding trick. But, instead of being endorsed by a living athlete, their shoes are often named after some corpse who probably wouldn’t have been caught dead in them. Driven by my typical …
Aug
22
YouTube – Winkers tm a 4. Via Winkers are pants that make your ass wink at people with the misfortune to walk behind you. At 2:25 in the vid, there’s an owl pair of Winkers. I like owls so much that I might even like that. That is, if the forehead did not look like …
Jul
28
Having failed so abysmally at the car-making business, General Motors is getting into the man-odour business. They’re releasing a line of deodorants, body-washes and colognes to celebrate the anniversary of the Cadillac. Called Cadillac, these will not smell like anything one associates with cars. (Gasoline, stinking children and burning flesh.) Rather, the line will smell …
Jul
23
The Japanese Robot Fashion model, HRP-4C, has taken her first walk on the runway. As a bride. Predictably, everyone is like: “How creepy! A robot bride?! The Japanese are crazy and want to marry robots! Let’s never go to war with them again.” I have a slightly more prosaic explanation. My guess is that they …
Jul
22
Style Coalition -. I love this video. It conflates shopping with a social duty. Instead of shopping because you need or want something, it advocates shopping itself as a pass time. It doesn’t matter if you can’t afford it and don’t need it. Shit, you might not even want it. But designers are depending …
Apr
07
pic nicked from here Life as a pattern-seeking egomaniac can lead to paranoia. And I’m willing to entertain the idea that I’m paranoid. I’ll entertain any idea. For an evening or so. After that, they should go home. The ideas I live with already take up enough space, eat all my food and don’t pay …
Mar
21
All of these people are innocent until proven guilty. Their clothes are another story.
Mar
19
LOVE INC. (Runway Show by Andy The-Anh) from Ryan Oakley on Vimeo. Toronto Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2009 Andy The-Anh Runway Show Music by Kraftwerk and PiL Vid by Ryan Oakley
Mar
18
I’ve been blogging about robots for a few years now and I’ve seen some dumb ideas. But this fashion model robot has got to be near the very top. For starters, most fashion models aren’t exactly paid for their services. I know you have your big famous ones who make a fortune. And I know …
Mar
12
Just the other day, Bruno, who was a Californian stray but is now a Canadian house-kitty, escaped into the night. Being a mysterious figure and a Sacramento celebrity, I assumed he was embarking on some fantastic adventure. A few hours later, he returned. Upon his white neck was a spot of bright red blood. Offering …
Mar
11
pic nicked from here I have an upcoming appointment with my tailor. Though I am, as usual, giddy as a schoolgirl, my mind has turned to a different type of suit. The used suit. Though I will never call them “vintage” –that’s pretentious bullshit– I have a deep and abiding love of the used suit. …
Mar
06
Clothing: Amie Scott Video: Ryan Oakley Music: “Shrink Wrap” by This Heat Starring: Melisande Leduc and Dave Tom.
Mar
06
I disapprove of all wheeled transport. It’s bad enough to contend with joggers treating our side-walks like a track-field but, when you add wheels to these twits, it makes one feel as if some steampunk, cyborg circus is in town. Whether travelling upon roller-blades, skateboards or bicycles, these people must think they’re a bunch of …
Mar
04
pic nicked from here In a stunning scientific breakthrough, researchers have discovered a relationship between owning alcohol branded clothing and teenage drinking. There’s not yet any word about what owning a bandanna covered in pot leaves may indicate. But wearing a beer shirt does say something else about a young man. It says: “I have …
Feb
25
The fashion blogosphere is engaged in one of its periodic kerfuffles. Although nowhere near as good as the occasional outbreak of hostilities between Dandyism.net and Lord Whimsy, this recent call to arms is still vaguely interesting as it points to deeper issues. The New York Observer wrote an article about fashion bloggers uniting to gain …
Dec
12
The libertarians over at Reason Magazine have posted an interesting little documentary on Che fashions. It’s a bit partisan but so are those shirts. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0b_ezFDn5s] Che doesn’t represent rebellion. In Cuba, the government has his picture everywhere. How rebellious is that? To me, he represents skinny cows, people in burlap and a lot of misery. …
Oct
30
All of these people are innocent until proven guilty. Their clothes are another story. DON’T Who: Christopher Paul Neil What: Touching the kids. Filming it. I’m aware that we cannot see what Mr. Neil is wearing. I would still like to comment on his facial expression and grooming. Both are problematic. Every time we see …
Oct
27
My interest in anarchism did not come about because of fashion. My interest in fashion came about because of anarchism. It might be terribly glamorous out there on the street, face covered with vinegar-soaked rags, marching with the Black Bloc and engaging the police. Doing that will certainly make you cool with the right sort …
Although Ryan Oakley began his career as a simple rake (drunk) he has since become Toronto’s most renowned flaneur (no car) and notorious dandy (overdresses). A misanthropic composer of psycho-geographical fictions (sci-fi), he is also a server of food, a tender of bar and a washer of dishes. While performing all these functions with efficiency and elegance (disdain and malice), he somehow finds the time to publicly criticize friends, strangers and cultural crap.
