Jun 13
So now you’re me. You wake up braced for failure, you spend too much time getting dressed and then you blog about it. You go to work and then you socialize by ignoring people. But still, you aren’t having a great deal of sex. That’s about it. Now you’re Ryan Oakley. There’s only one more …
Jun 13
Women like suits. Most men read my clothing as an attempt to attract the interest of women rather than reading this interest as an unfortunate consequence of my clothing. I see them grumbling in clubs, see their frowns and furrowed brows, that sad, Neanderthal stare as they try to figure out why the girls are …
Jun 12
My entire social life revolves around three things. The first being work. I like all of my co-workers. They’re my friends in much the same way that one has their army buddies. After going through the meat grinder, we hang out. Although we often talk about what a dick this customer was or how nice …
Jun 11
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGDndcxH-O4&feature=related] So now you’re into day two of being me. You’re dressed for success but ready to fail. Yesterday you worked twelve and a half hours in 30 degree weather so you’re a bit sore. You woke up at one in the afternoon and are just getting ready for another day at work. You’re drinking …
Jun 10
I’ll just get right to the clothes. When people want to be me, this is the aspect they most typically desire to ape. I can see why. I remember my Nan sitting me down and slurring: “Ryan, some men have good looks, others have a good personality, you should get a good suit.” So, without …
Jun 08
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MI5Z9B7dki4] When I told a friend that I was going to do this “How to be Ryan Oakley” theme week she offered her assistance. She said: “Step One: Eat like a duck. Step Two: Live in own filth. Step Three: Give up on hopes and dreams, drag everyone around down with you, and fill your …
Jun 08
The elusive Ryan Oakley spotted in the wild. Is it evidence of the creature’s existence? A few days ago, I made a joke about this article. I threatened to do a “How to Be Ryan Oakley” theme week. But it was just a joke. Later that day, on my way to work, I saw a …
Although Ryan Oakley began his career as a simple rake (drunk) he has since become Toronto’s most renowned flaneur (no car) and notorious dandy (overdresses). A misanthropic composer of psycho-geographical fictions (sci-fi), he is also a server of food, a tender of bar and a washer of dishes. While performing all these functions with efficiency and elegance (disdain and malice), he somehow finds the time to publicly criticize friends, strangers and cultural crap.
