Sep 14
People sometimes ask me how I’m doing. My family, in particular, has grown very worried about my alcohol intake since they discovered this blog. I would like to assure them that there is no way that I am drinking too much because I am not yet drunk enough. (The hooker here would disagree but she …
Sep 13
Today I went to a Walmart for the first time. I had never been to one, not because of some ethical issue, but simply because I don’t buy crap. And now, having visited, I am not sure that I will ever willingly return. I have never seen such a collection of deranged morons. Perhaps they …
Sep 08
Okay. I know that I’ve been posting about alcohol a lot lately. But you have to forgive me. I’m drunk. In the last post I mentioned The Beer Store, which made me wonder about The Liquor Store. Why are beer and liquor separated from each other and both separated from the food you may enjoy …
Sep 07
In Toronto, going to the bar has become a remarkably unpleasant experience. You aren’t allowed to smoke and if you aren’t surrounded by a bunch of shrieking hoochie mammas, who are determined to live out some desperate Coyote Ugly delusions on top of the bar, then there’s a Russian gangster giving you the ole’ dead …
Jun 28
You might not know this but owls have a bit of a reputation. Being tough as boiled owl means to be drunk and belligerent. Being owled means to be drunk. All of this comes from their large, glassy eyes, which remind some people – people who are likely stoned – of drunks. But, luckily, another …
Jun 06
And Sorry. It’s not that owlish looking Beer Bot. You can look at this page to see more of those. No, friends, I did what all people who work in bars do when they’re really bored. I started experimenting. That’s how we get new drinks. (Did you think there was a lab?) Your humble bartenders, …
Apr 24
There might be a good reason to say “Het!” to alcohol. Forget the health effects, blackouts and hangovers. Forget the lost wallets, dancing on tables, mysterious bruises or ugly stranger(s) in your bed. Those were never good reasons to quit. The world is too rough and tumble for queaslings who cannot abide embarrassment. So have …
Apr 16
This post was supposed to be on Friday but I figured that Easter Sunday would be a bit more appropriate. After all, this is the day that Jesus woke up in a cave with big holes in his hands and feet, a splitting headache and very likely wondering what the hell had just happened. Don’t …
Apr 11
Ontario’s Health Promotion Minister (the man in charge of not drinking, smoking, fucking, fighting or eating barbecue) wants to ban tobacco. Perhaps the lack of second hand smoke would make him more comfortable at parties. That is, if he has ever actually been to a party. “We know it kills people,” he said. “If I …
Mar 28
Well folks, it’s time for me to go on another of my “sabbaticals” to the country. As always there’s the archives and the rest of the internet to entertain yourselves with. But, if you really need me to hold your hand, you can always look at the fancy new sidebar. I’ve added some links. I’ll …
