May 06
Everyone is giving David Hasselhoff too much shit for getting drunk and eating a hamburger on the floor. That is one of the best ways to enjoy a hamburger. I don’t even drink anymore and I know that. I even approve of it. You’d have to insane to try eating a Hero Burger sober. If …
Apr 26
Although I’ve quit both I like to encourage this behavior in others. I don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with drinks or most drugs. I’m simply too stupid and ill-disciplined for them. Even a drop of potion is dangerous to a man of my special brand of moronism. While Dr. Jekyll may have his manners, …
Apr 17
I’m always surprised at how much I enjoy drunk people when I’m sober. It’s strange because I always hated sober people when I was drunk. Actually, I kinda hate them when I’m sober too. It may sound like I’m sitting on a high horse, thinking – oh you poor debauched fools, but it’s nothing like …
Feb 03
I went to an art show tonight. It’s not something that I often do. When I drank, they were an event that I was often forcibly removed from. I don’t mix well with creative types sober or drunk. The difference is when sober, I’m shy; when drunk I’m a fucking disaster. A noisy trainwreck who …
Jan 20
Well folks, it’s gonna be a new owl around here. A leaner, meaner and even grumpier owl. That’s right, Grumpy is going to sober up. Why, you might ask? Mind your own fucking business, I might say. But I won’t say that. If I wanted to say that I wouldn’t blog about it, would I? …
Dec 29
I’ve been a bit grumpier than normal lately. I think it might have something to do with Roboexotica. You see, while I was in Toronto, writing book reviews, other people were in Vienna, covering a cocktail-robot convention. Yup, cocktail-robots. It’s actually a good thing that I wasn’t there. I like robots and I love the …
Dec 24
It’s that time of year. The time when strange voices on radio and television will give you that strange advice: “Drink Responsibly.” Let me now publicly offer these people a hearty “Go fuck yourself.” I haven’t drank responsibly all year and I don’t plan on starting over the holidays. There once was a time when …
Dec 14
We drunkards have a reason to raise our glasses tonight. (As if we needed one.) MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) has suspended fundraising. This is not to say that I’m in favour of drunk driving. I’m not in favour of any sort of driving. To do it drunk, you’d have to be drunk. But I …
Dec 01
I hate The View. It’s on during the height of your hangover and it’s a bunch of women sitting around and talking. Do women watch this? I think they’re supposed to, but I cannot actually believe that they do. I honestly cannot even imagine the person who watches this show. It is utterly beyond me. …
Sep 22
Have you ever wondered how to get rich quick? Well, I have the answer via The Reason Foundation. Drink. Their recent study has discovered that “men who drink earn 10 percent more than abstainers and women drinkers earn 14 percent more than nondrinkers.“ And it’s not just because we have to work harder to afford …
