Nov 30
It’s hard to invent a new drink. Bartenders have been bored into becoming mad chemists for years. These days, the standard thing to do is to mix some fancy crap with some vodka and call it a “blank-tini.” But that shouldn’t stop one from trying. The other night, bored like many a bartender before, I …
Jul 27
Mothers Against Drunk Driving is at it again: Come August, if you are below 22, you will need a zero alcohol blood level to drive a car. It’s unreasonable but not unexpected. This is one of the very worst charities in existence. MADD was founded by a decent woman with decent intentions. Candy Lightner, whose …
Apr 09
pic nicked from here When I was sixteen, Nan sat me on her lap and gave me some advice: “Never trust a man who doesn’t drink, smoke or swear.” I can only imagine what she would think of bottled water. The woman is still alive, of course, but I doubt she’s aware that anything other …
Mar 04
pic nicked from here In a stunning scientific breakthrough, researchers have discovered a relationship between owning alcohol branded clothing and teenage drinking. There’s not yet any word about what owning a bandanna covered in pot leaves may indicate. But wearing a beer shirt does say something else about a young man. It says: “I have …
Nov 03
pic of Liana K nicked from Nerd Girl Pinups Sometimes, when people forget to invite me to a party, I just invite myself. I’ll even pay the occasional cover charge. But I do have limits. I will never line up. Life is too short. I refuse to wait to be somewhere when I’m already wherever …
Jun 28
real bespoke by Don of Trend Custom Tailors for yours truly Lean in nice and close kids, old Grumpy wants to tell you a secret: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A VODKA MARTINI! A martini is gin and dry vermouth. It is not vermouth and vodka, it is not vodka and a liqueur, it …
Jun 14
It’s not new, it’s not real and it’s not a condition. But it’s still being reported on. DRUNKREXIA!!!, This newest menace to the fairer sex is characterized by the liquid lunch. When women drink without eating, they’re not girls with a straight sense of priorities. Oh No. They’re DRUNOKREXIC!!! How do you know if you …
May 17
I knew it was going to happen. The people who brought us the smoking bans are now changing focus. “To what and who?” you might ask. “Isn’t obvious?” I would reply. “To your vices and you.” The WHO has developed a global strategy for “The War on Drink.” And it’s based on their war on …
Dec 24
Alcoholics Anonymous is an evil cult. Their meetings lead to nothing except more meetings. You never outgrow it, you never “get better” you just keep discovering problems you didn’t even know you had. Mark the sober days off on your calender like you’re in prison and earn your little badge. It disgusts me. The people …
Jun 07
I’m pretty tired today. Last night I went to an art opening. Being a kind sort of person, I brought some people back to my place for an after-after-party. They cleared out at about five. I think they spilled more gin than they drank. Left quite a bit on the table too. But they did …
