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It’s hard to invent a new drink. Bartenders have been bored into becoming mad chemists for years. These days, the standard thing to do is to mix some fancy crap with some vodka and call it a “blank-tini.” But that shouldn’t stop one from trying.

The other night, bored like many a bartender before, I invented a drink that someone else must have invented. But a cursory survey of the internet cocktail database has failed to reveal it. So allow me to introduce the Coked Up Tart.

Recipe:

In a tall rock glass with ice.

A shot of fresh lime juice.

A jigger of Jack Daniels.

Coke.

Pour into a shaker. Quickly pour out of the shaker and back into the glass, straining the ice.  Add more coke and more ice. Should have a slight froth. Garnish with a slice of lime.

And there you have it:  A Coked Up Tart. Ask for it by name.

I’ve tested the concoction on a Russian and a DJ, both to positive reviews.  But they’d probably drink Lysol if it had a lemon wedge.

Continue reading »]]> An old email sent to my job from a female customer.  It’s about me and was forwarded to me by my boss.  I have taken the liberty of changing her name.

Hello,

I have been to your restaurant several times and absolutely love it. The food and service is wonderful and I always leave full and content. Thanks for this!

Now for something completely outlandish:

I was at your restaurant last night at around 7, on a date with a girl  and  had a male server (very tall, thin, glasses, dark brown hair). I have had him serve my table before and it always seems like there is a lot of sexual tension and some sort of a connection between the two of us. If he remembers me (I have red hair and  was in a red turtleneck and glasses and a black vest) and finds this feeling mutual than please give him my email. I would have done that myself but, I don’t think my date would have appreciated it!

Thank you and sorry for leading you onto a tangent into the matchmaking industry. See you soon.

Regards,

Gem

I have no idea what she is talking about nor do I have any idea who this woman is.  There was, I assume, the normal amount of sexual tension and I’m not exactly renowned for building connections.

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“A bartender must be a good listener.  He must be able to listen to five different conversations at one time and blend them all into one so that you have 10 happy people at the same time. Never discuss religion or politics. Memory! You must remember their drinks. And sometimes you must remember to forget who they are drinking with! And for my beautiful, beautiful ladies, I give them titles: Countess, Princess, Queen. Because I really believe that’s what they are.”

–St. Pat

Continue reading »]]> pic nicked from here

“The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.”

~H.L. Mencken,