Dirk Hayhurst Needs Superheroes!
By Ryan Oakley. Filed in sport |
Author, Garfoose creator, kick-ass twitter fiend and Toronto Blue Jays pitcher, Dirk Hayhurst will be having exploratory arthroscopic surgery on his right shoulder. I can’t imagine why. This certainly looks like a healthy hobby:
According to Hayhurst, the surgery involves using a shrink ray on superheroes and sending them into his arm, where they will battle against the ninjas who have infested it. His arm will, of course, be amputated and replaced with a bionic replacement but, for right now, the goal is to prevent the ninjas from reaching his brain. Should that happen, decapitation is the only option. (The Garfoose, sadly, cannot be employed on this mission as it is impervious to all rays.)
I did my little bit to help out. As requested, I sent a picture of a get well card with superheroes. It’s now posted on his site and, also, on BlogTO.
It might seem a strange choice of superheroes but I figured that even super-villains should care. It might also seem a strange thing for me to do but The Jays traded cyborg Halladay and weirdo Brandon League. As necessary or good as those trades might be, it’s decimated my population of favourite pitchers. Dirk Hayhurst having surgery just sucks. I’m just hoping that nothing happens to Jesse Carlson.
And if you want to know why I like Jesse Carlson, well just watch one of the smallest guys in the big leagues take on the whole Yankees team. That takes balls.
Although Ryan Oakley began his career as a simple rake (drunk) he has since become Toronto’s most renowned flaneur (no car) and notorious dandy (overdresses). A misanthropic composer of psycho-geographical fictions (bad science fiction), he is also a server of food, a tender of bar and a washer of dishes. While performing all these functions with efficiency and elegance (disdain and malice), he somehow finds the time to publicly criticize friends, strangers and cultural crap. He's a bit of a dick.
