This city is as humid and reeking as a hooker’s quiff. And I could certainly do without ever being asked again: “Aren’t you hot in that?” Obviously I am. Everyone is hot. Even naked, they are hot. You know why? Because the weather is hot. That’s why. And I can’t take the weather off any better than you can.
I could better tolerate this question if the people asking it were not drenched in sweat and panting like rabid dogs. If they were speaking from some position of cool luxury, perhaps radiating a slight chill while dabbing the frost from their eyebrows, I would feel some pressure to ape their approach to summer heat. But they’re not.
They’re just whining.
I seriously doubt that I feel any hotter than they look. Once, last summer, I abandoned my better judgement and started believing that all these people were on to something. I took a day and dressed like them, in heavy t-shirt fabrics and all that. But I detected no improvement. It remained hot. The only difference was that I became visibly sweaty. And I felt the sun beating on my pale, delicate skin. It was awful.
So yes: I am hot in this just like you are hot in that.
Attend to yourself and leave me out of it.
When it’s hot, one my favourite things to do is take a walk in High Park. A long walk. Preferably around its entire circumference. I do this with myself or, if I feel like listening to some complaining, with a pretty girl. The park is nice and hilly. There is abundant shade, ample greenery and, in the better parts, a lack of humans. One can watch overheated animals laying in the shade and take solace from their suffering.
I almost asked this bufflao if he was hot in that.
Something in his eye disuaded me.
Shalome was, as always, good company. She even brought her camera. This gave her something to do while I played with mine. And she took some nice shots of animals and the like. You can look at her photos from the day here.
I’ll include some for your perusal and, the next post is the video I made. But you probably already know that.
4 comments
1 ping
Danielle
August 17, 2009 at 7:10 pm (UTC -5)
The question I always want to ask guys in suits on hot days is “how do you guard your nice suit against sweat stains” because that would be useful information.
Ryan Oakley
August 18, 2009 at 12:08 am (UTC -5)
I’m not being dainty but I’ve never had that problem. I hardly sweat.
But the quick answer is: Undershirt.
Danielle
August 18, 2009 at 1:20 pm (UTC -5)
It is an indelicate question, so I never actually ask it (until now). I imagine men without your enviable coolness would use something equivalent to dress shields
http://books.google.ca/books?id=e3Sd_mikSP4C&pg=PA132&lpg=PA132&dq=dress+shields&source=bl&ots=_-KVSxPo1Q&sig=aKhSmFYzc7AJ3C1PuC3AlIFneOo&hl=en&ei=u-GKSsWyOJXwMc7EscgP&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8#v=onepage&q=dress%20shields&f=false
Brian Dunbar
August 18, 2009 at 7:50 pm (UTC -5)
imagine men without your enviable coolness would use something equivalent to dress shields
A dress shield is really a sort of awkward t-shirt for women. Why fuss with something like that when a t-shirt Just Works?
Walking with bugs and junk « Jankypanky
August 18, 2009 at 4:35 pm (UTC -5)
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