GM Launches new Fragrance: Stink of Failure
By Ryan Oakley. Filed in fashion/grooming |
Having failed so abysmally at the car-making business, General Motors is getting into the man-odour business.
They’re releasing a line of deodorants, body-washes and colognes to celebrate the anniversary of the Cadillac. Called Cadillac, these will not smell like anything one associates with cars. (Gasoline, stinking children and burning flesh.) Rather, the line will smell of grapefruit, chamomile, tarragon, cinnamon, geraniums, incense and sweet spice.
Many people have pointed to this scheme as an indication of how desperate and stupid General Motors has become. I disagree with that opinion. GM is not seriously getting into man-odour. Rather, this is a simple commemorative product. This sort of thing is done all the time. I remember when Porshe lent its name to a pipe. It’s always been a bad idea. For everyone.
But GM does have problems and this line of fragrances makes them abundantly clear. There was a time when just the word Cadillac conjured up images of high quality and luxury. If you called anything the Cadillac of something you were complimenting it. Now that word only conjures failure, desperation and stupidity. “Eau de Hobo” or “Weeping Welfare Mom” might have a better chance on the market.
On the bright side, soon to be jobless GM employees can always drink the colonge. At $73 a bottle, it’s the Cadillac of rubby booze options. Tastes like grapefruit.
Although Ryan Oakley began his career as a simple rake (drunk) he has since become Toronto’s most renowned flaneur (no car) and notorious dandy (overdresses). A misanthropic composer of psycho-geographical fictions (bad science fiction), he is also a server of food, a tender of bar and a washer of dishes. While performing all these functions with efficiency and elegance (disdain and malice), he somehow finds the time to publicly criticize friends, strangers and cultural crap. He's a bit of a dick.
