It must be because I wear a suit. People often jump to the erroneous conclusion that I like to socialize. They think I’m dressed to impress someone other than me. And I very occasionally end up in the place to be seen with the people to be seen with. I don’t care less about any of this.

I put no effort in.

So, if you want to learn how to socialize, there are better people than I to teach you. I have been called “a social retard” and people often present me with lists of things I should never again say in mixed company.  And I just keep saying them anyway.  But this theme week isn’t about being successful, it’s about being me.

And here’s how you can socialize like me:

If you actually decide to leave the house,  sit by yourself and ignore everyone. People will believe you think you’re better than they are or that you’re miserable.  Being weak-minded, they may believe that their ideas are right.  They’re not.  And that’s not why you do this.

You do it because, insofar as you even bother to think about other people, you believe them to be totally irrelevant.  Should they come up and speak to you, try not to bite.  Try hard.

Remember, you’re thirty years old and you work in a bar/restaurant. You’ve heard everything that people say at social functions about ten times. They have opinions on things and some sort of creative pursuit. They like stuff and dislike other stuff.  They want you to like and dislike the same things.  They try to convince you that they are somehow special. They’re not. That they’re worth knowing. They aren’t. They’re asking the questions they wish you’d ask them.  They’re waiting for you to shut up so they can propagandize you a little bit more. You’ve heard it all before. You’ve done it all before.  It bores you.

And if you know anything about yourself, it’s this:  You have talons.  You can go right to the center of a person and tear their guts out.  This is impolite.  You’ve always seen weakness.  You do not attack it.

There is something in your character that makes this an effort.  This effort is worthwhile.  We are all weak.  We all have sensitivities.  At least try to respect that.  Try harder; You probably just fucked up!

And you don’t believe in social will never be so enamored of another human being that I will become part of their entourage. If you have an entourage, I don’t even want to speak to them. Frankly, it is beneath me. My Nan always said: “Talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey.” Your monkeys are weak. I will not be one. And I probably don’t like the song you’re grinding out. I don’t dance; Not to that shit.

People tend to view other people as tools. They become disappointing means to dubious ends. Then they’re judged on their ability to help or hinder each other. “What can so and so do for me?” “Who can get me into what party?” It’s about influence and quantity. I do not view other humans as tools. They’re people.

Unfortunately.

I regard all of this with nothing but haughty contempt.

I view the social world as a picnic.  Everyone is invited and everyone brings something.  They can bring something tasty, they can bring poison and they can bring anything in between.  If I had to say what I bring, I’d say I’m bring the food that tastes like shit but might be good for you.  It really has no place at a picnic and everyone is wondering what it’s doing there.