Shirts are a huge subject.  You could devote whole blogs to them and never run out of things to say.

I’ll just be discussing the dress shirt.  That is, a shirt with collars, cuffs and buttons made from fabrics other than denim.  And no doubt, I’ll be covering it badly.  Even these limited subjects are huge.  Each has vast amounts of subcategories, rules, exceptions to those rules, rules about those exceptions and so forth.  Most of this, I’ll be unable to touch upon.

Instead, I’m  going to attempt the most basic sort of guide.  The fundamental knowledge that can always be referenced  in times of confusion.  And if you’re not confused about your shirt, you’re not paying attention.

The first thing to understand is that the shirt is one of the most important items of clothing.  A good shirt can carry a bad suit while a bad shirt can wreck a good suit.   But how do you tell what a good shirt is?

As always, fit is of paramount importance.  There is a rumour that dress shirts are uncomfortable.  The people who started that rumour have never worn a shirt that fits.  Under no circumstances should the collar be choking you.  It should feel nice around your neck.  If you have to unbutton your collar to feel comfortable, you really need a new shirt.  That one was meant for someone else.  A well fitted dress shirt is comfortable enough to sleep in.

When I see that iconic image of a man after a hard day’s work, dragging himself home, his shoulders slouching as trudges onto the subway, lugging his leather lunch-box with his top buttons undone and his tie hanging loosely about his neck, I immediately know why he is working so hard:  He’s saving up for a shirt that actually fits.

The only reason to ever undo your top button and loosen your tie is because you’re drunk.  Then you should do it.  But not immediately.  Wait until you’re drunk enough to have a good stagger and an unfocused but hostile glare.   You should also have a mild tilt.  In that case, an unbuttoned shirt and loose tie is just what the doctor ordered.

It should not signal relaxation or exhaustion as much as debauched and unbalanced menace.  An exception to this being an epic hangover.  In that case, you might just be in too much pain to finish buttoning your shirt.

If you wish to signal relaxation, there are better ways to do it.  You can unbutton your jacket or remove it.  But what must be remembered is that the shirt is an undergarment.  At most times, in most circumstances, the only visible parts should be the collar, the cuffs and part of the chest.

Outside of working, with its considerations dictated by practicality, you should only show more  shirt when you’re either in the the company of people who have seen you in your underwear or people you wish to see in theirs. And don’t underestimate the power of formality and the effect its relaxation can have on even the most unsubtle mind.

Never showing much increases the effect of even showing a little.   If you’re with a lady who has never seen the arms of your shirt, showing them sends a clear message.  Other men may have to jump through hoops, oil up their chest and do a little dance to get the same effect.  Not us.  Simply removing our jacket with a knowing look will either cause her to get a lot more or a lot less  comfortable.  What you prefer is, of course, between y’all.

But because most of the shirt is at most times invisible, it’s vitally important to concentrate on the parts that are seen by the public.  Here follows a strange but apt comparison.

Women recently had a fad where their pants were pulled quite low and their underwear quite high.  This made some of their underwear visible to the public.  The male shirt is similar exercise in provocation.  In principle, it is exactly the same.  The main and, perhaps, only difference is that we’ve all had time to get used to seeing male undergarments.  They’ve lost their ability to shock and titillate the public.

But we’d do well to remember the fundamentals.

Just as those women who wore those pants were doubtless quite careful about what panties they chose to wear, men must be quite careful about their shirts and, in particular, the cuffs’ exposure to the public gaze.  Showing too much cuff is like showing too much thong.  Show none and you might as well be a Victorian Amish Puritan.  There is delicate balance between being seen as a a slut or a prude.

The exact right amount is an function of the suit itself, the circumstances it’s worn in and the mind of the person wearing it.  What is clear, however, is that some cuff should always be visible.  I like to be able to show off my cufflinks without rubbing them in anyone’s face.  (There will be more on cufflinks later this week.)

The collar, however, conveys the exact opposite impression than the daring exposure of one’s wrist panties.  Because the neck is such a vulnerable and sensitive area, the higher the collar the greater the modesty and defensiveness of the person wearing it.  The higher the collar the greater the reservations.

It’s no accident that priests are known for their distinctive  collar.

But then there is an effect akin to the uncanny valley.  The raising of a shirt’s collar only looks modest up to a point.  After that point is crossed, it becomes a parody of modesty.   The defence has become so impenetrable that it is no longer a defensive weapon at all but, rather, highly offensive.  It bluntly says: “Go fuck yourself, you cannot even dream of touching my neck.”   I have come to favour a high collar.

I would only recommend an immodestly high collar to those people who have caused other people to want to slit their throat and take that as a point of pride.   Men like Don Cherry and Karl Lagerfeld, both like high collars and both, in their own ways, exemplify the idea of: “Fuck you – I’m untouchable.”

Last but not least is shirt colour.  There is a whole world of colours and combinations to choose from.  The English, much like with their socks, like a bright shirt with a conservative suit.  The Italians prefer a plain shirt.  And the French are possessed by their own genius.  Who cares what Germans wear?

The standards in shirt colour are white, blue and pink.  So most shirts experiment with combinations of these and patterns within them.  But, for the adventurous soul, there is whole world of options to choose from.

The idea is usually contrast.  With loud suits one wears quiet shirts and vice versa.  But there are so many exceptions to this basic rule that it’s insensible to take it too seriously.  Your eye will judge.

The main thing is that your shirt does not choke you, that it’s well constructed and that you show the correct amount of cuff while expressing your modesty –or lack thereof– in the collar.  Abide by that and invent your own rules.