pic nicked from here

When I was  sixteen, Nan sat me on her lap and gave me some advice:  “Never trust a man who doesn’t drink, smoke or swear.” I can only imagine what she would think of bottled water.  The woman is still alive, of course, but I doubt she’s aware that anything other than booze or mix comes in a bottle.

If she did know about it, stopped swearing and cackling for a moment and I was lucky enough to catch her between calls to her bookie, she might sound a lot like this article.  Once she got over the surprise.

It seems that Americans drink more bottled water than beer. (My Nan believes that drinking anything weaker than whiskey is not actually drinking.)  Susan McWilliams puts forth an excellent argument that this phenomena is dangerous to life, liberty and the American Dream.  It’s symptomatic of a society leaving the pub and disappearing up its own arse.

Go read her article, I’ll wait for you after the jump.

I’m inclined to agree with her every point. Though I no longer drink, I do work with the stuff and strongly encourage the habit in others.  People who drink bottled water are almost always more unpleasant than those who drink beer.

Those who drink tea are the very worst.

This isn’t to glamorize drunkeness.  I do have to remove a fair amount of drunken assholes.  Earlier this very week I had to toss a fellow out who thought being an “Irish Alcoholic” was both an excuse and a point of pride.  (That’ll teach me to wear a green sweater.)  But even a drunken asshole is easier to handle (and knock out) than a tea-drinking prick.

All things be equal, I would much rather serve, hang out with and talk to a drunkard.  They’re fun and they think you’re better looking than you are.

Drunken assholes are usually just assholes who happen to be drunk.

But there does come a time when alcohol will make anyone start repeating themselves, talking shit and render even the nicest person as unbearable as they are incomprehensible.  But sober people reach that point too.

And quick.