When it comes to assholes, I’m top-shelf.
If you google “Canadian Assholes“ you’ll find a link to my site on the first page of the images. This, my friends, is a great honour. I’d thank you all for it but I’m an asshole. So I’ll thank myself.
Thank you Ryan Oakley. You truly are a front page, Canadian asshole.
One need only google “German Assholes” to see what refined company I find myself in, what rarefied air I now breathe. Should you google your nationality combined with any of the more common insults, I bet you won’t find any links to you there.
It must be a great honour to know me. Sometimes, I wish I was you just so I could know me.
Like many an asshole before me, I’m unsatisfied with this accomplishment. I would like to be the number one Canadian asshole, in images and on the web.
If you would like to help me in this most noble of tasks, please link to this post through the words “Ryan Oakley is a Canadian Asshole” or just plain old “Canadian asshole.“ I’d thank you but, well, you know . . .
11 comments
1 ping
Danielle
February 8, 2009 at 9:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What prompted this discovery?
Ryan Oakley
February 8, 2009 at 9:49 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
An influx of hits from that search term.
laurenarcher
February 8, 2009 at 10:09 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That’s how I originally found your blog.
Although I was looking for something a bit more goatse-esque.
Ryan Oakley
February 8, 2009 at 10:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You’d be surprised and, I think, a little disturbed if you knew some of the search terms that brought people here. “Rape” was huge for a while.
Right now, I’m getting a lot from Marquis DeSade.
laurenarcher
February 8, 2009 at 10:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I wouldn’t drop by as often as I do if I didn’t want to be a little disturbed.
I get “Stephen Harper Syphilis” as a search term for my blog three to five times a week. I’m more surprised that so many people suspect that Harper has the Syph.
Ryan Oakley
February 8, 2009 at 10:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I don’t think I’m disturbing.
Then again, I don’t think I’m an asshole either. And that’s always the first step to being one.
laurenarcher
February 8, 2009 at 10:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You can be disturbing, although in the “destruction of a settled state” way, as opposed to being emotionally wrecking.
You don’t let your readers get too comfortable with the world.
Ryan Oakley
February 8, 2009 at 10:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Are you calling me a bombed out house?
Second nicest thing I’ve been called today.
geekigirl
February 9, 2009 at 10:31 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You aren’t number 1 anymore
Ryan Oakley
February 10, 2009 at 12:06 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I was never number 1 — just front page.
I want to be number one. That’s this year’s goal.
Amie
February 10, 2009 at 11:03 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If you google “Canadian nice guys”, you get Stephen Harper and Jackie Chan in the image search.
I was hoping to find a picture of myself. Sigh.
2009: So far so good, atleast compared to last year. « Jankypanky
February 19, 2009 at 5:04 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
[...] But I have dreams, winning dreams. Just tonight I baked my first chocolate chip pecan pie. I am taking classes and finding hobbies that don’t include getting my nails done (which I still do but a lot less) or drinking alone in my bathroom. I threw my California pride away and decided to take a job where I can find it, even if it is a bit janky. I have even matured enough to realize I can be friends with fat people,whether it be their body weight or size of their ego, like this canadian asshole. [...]