I’m uncut.
I bet you didn’t think you’d learn that about ol’ Grumpy today. But there you have it.
My penis, aside from being a stately and disciplined creature –suggesting a marble statue of Horatio Nelson– remains in its natural state. I wouldn’t change a thing about it. The device serves me well and I have no complaints. The ladies on the other hand . . . Well, they’re too busy to complain.
But I’m not a snob about these things.
While I don’t understand circumcision, I understand that many men are rather attached to their penis. No matter how mutilated it may be or how normal this mutilation is, they’re quite proud of their little government. So they should be. They’re like parents. Even if your child, like Napoleon, is a belligerent retard, it’s still your child. And I’m not one to point out that your child is belligerent or retarded.
Especially if it is.
Having thus made the peace, I think we can all agree, that Valveta is a step too far. This product is made from the foreskins of babies and injected into the face to treat facial pitting, scarring and wrinkles. It’s a lot like botox except it’s made from the snippings of an infant’s cock. A single vile costs $1500.
While this initially seems like an employment opportunity for welfare mothers, who could sell their baby’s precious parts to elderly socialites, one must wonder at the ethics. Should you pay the mother, the doctor or the baby? All three? Just who does that penis and whatever may be chopped off it belong to?
Is it like garbage? The moment it’s on the curb, anyone can just grab it?
The issue is not quite as simple as we could hope. It may seem wrong to treat babies like farm animals, from whom we harvest body parts, perhaps without proper recompense, but wrinkles are ugly. And some people really dislike getting old. It makes them feel sad. Like, on the inside or something.
It gives their heart wrinkles.
So we should ask ourselves: If draining a child’s blood and injecting it into one’s tits prevented them from sagging and made us look pretty for a month, do we owe that baby anything in return? Even vampires grant eternal life. Perhaps we should take our example from them.
Especially if the baby has lawyers.
1 comment
JP
March 17, 2009 at 9:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
holy shit
you need to be in a fucking hospital
i hope you die soon