Commercials are creepy. Someone with lots of money is trying to trick you. And not in the fun, magic David Copperfield sort of way. More in the drug-addicted, “I need a bus ticket” sort of way. But maybe you’ll get something sweet in return for your hard-earned cash. Maybe.
More likely, you’ll just get some crap.
After the jump, you’ll find ten commercials that are especially creepy, disturbing or just plain wrong. Enjoy.
First McDonald’s Commercial: Introducing Ronald McDonald
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krXP_TUZqsk&feature=related]
First off, I’m not creeped out because Ronald McDonald is a clown. That doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that Ronald McDonald acts drunk and looks like a crackhead. He reminds me of The Crack Fox.
SWEETA: Sweeta Girls Have Something
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSFsO_x0ovc]
In this old commercial for an artificial sweetener, a young lady is surrounded by a crowd of leering men. Though it fails to show what happened next, only two words come to my mind: Gang rape.
Orville Redenbacher Returns From the Dead
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcn4p213Zg8&feature=related]
When alive, Orville Redenbacher was creepy enough. He had bowties and old-man hair. Then the ad people dragged his corpse out of the ground with CGI and made him sell his popcorn one last time. And that MP3 thing? Reminds me of a hostage showing a newspaper to prove he’s still alive. But he isn’t. He’s dead.
The Snuggie
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xZp-GLMMJ0]
Let me tell ya something: Blankets don’t have fucking sleeves. But you know what does? The robes of Druid Death Cults. And when they start selling the pointy pillow you wear on your head; DON’T BUY IT! If you do, pretty soon that won’t be marshmallows being roasted on the fire. It will be virgin criminal babies. It’s called a slippery slope. Look into it.
Salem Cigarettes Freshens Your Taste
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86lYG1V2-n4&feature=related]
Don’t get me wrong, I love to smoke. But there’s a time and a place. I’m not sure on the swing is either. But what really creeps me out about this is that they’re selling “Fresh Air.” Think about that for a moment.
Teddy Ruxpin
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kc2HvjO8z4]
Remember how easy it was to be scared when you were a kid? You were so stupid. Me too.
I was terrified of a shark named Jowels who was going to get me, via the drainpipe, in the bathtub. Mom had to put Leo the stuffed lion on the toilet to calm me down. But I grew up. By the time I was twenty six, Leo was retired to the foot of my bed, where he now makes sure no mouse-goblins grab my toes
But I digress. I just wonder how many children spent long nights under the steady gaze of Teddy Ruxpin?
Kinder Surprise
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOFRIWx5F9c&feature=related]
This egg is speaking foreign gibberish. Children should never be exposed to foreigners. I know this because my Father was one. It’s also made of meat. So when Humpty Dumpy falls off the wall and breaks, one must assume that it is not yolk spilling out of him but brains.
Just as an aside, it was the Nazis who coined the term egghead. The reason being that the skulls of intellectuals broke as easily as eggs. Kinder . . . What language is that anyway?
Scientology Orientation Video
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFD39zktUfA]
Some might say this isn’t really a commercial. That it’s part of an “”orientation video.” Bullshit, It’s a commercial. These people are such evil liars. Criminals too. And they are scary.
Yet funny.
Consider this quote from this infomercial: “If you leave this room after seeing this film, and walk out and never mention scientology again: You are perfectly free to do so. It would be stupid but you can do it. You could also dive off a bridge or blow your brains out. That is your choice”
Colgate could never get away with that. But they should try.
Colgate Blue Minty Gel
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdcVRueT2cw&feature=related]
Okay. This may not seem as creepy as the scientology one. But consider this: Kids who watched this commercial grew up to listen to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. I rest my case.
The Conservative Party: Family is Everything
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZfHe2LMRb0]
Stephen Harper is a creepy motherfucker. And those sweater-vests don’t help. I’m not saying that he rapes kids, I’m just saying, he would scare me less if he did.
5 comments
remi
September 22, 2008 at 9:02 pm (UTC -5)
Isn’t it enough that we let these politicians run rampant with campaigning done on corporate dollars. I’d like to see some election ads that have something, anything, to do with politics. Wouldn’t that be refreshing?
VJESCI
September 23, 2008 at 1:00 am (UTC -5)
.sweeta? .still a stevia girl my self.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevia
.and in reply to that colgate advert:
http://twitter.com/VJESCI/statuses/908631771
.ronald mcdonald that no goodnik liar.going in to schools with this commercial and actually telling kids burgers come from burger patches:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jboOxvOmgAc
“If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities.”
-voltaire
mooch
September 30, 2008 at 4:04 am (UTC -5)
T.V. sucks our souls and sends them to the deepest pits of despare.. your collection of advertisments is proof beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is an undeniable truth.. oh well… better tune in to the goggle box again.. after all big brother is watching us…
Ryan Oakley
October 1, 2008 at 4:41 pm (UTC -5)
Yup. To all of that.
Bill H.
May 27, 2009 at 7:47 pm (UTC -5)
That’s Today Show weather guy Willard Scott playing Ronald McDonald. Just adds more creepiness, doesn’t it?