Devin Funck: Part Robot, All Man
By Ryan Oakley. Filed in cyborgs |
I dislike children. They irriate me. When people think they’re being cute, I think they’re being manipulative little con-men. But Devin Funck is different. I like and respect this kid. I’m even jealous of him.
Not only is his last name just one letter off “funk” or “fuck” — that’s life dealing you an ace– he also fought an alligator. Not just any alligator. Like a storybook villain, this one had a name. Big Joe.
Big Joe took Devin Funck’s arm.
The kid swam to shore. Didn’t even notice he was missing a limb. Now that’s tough. But it’s also the sort of toughness that can be chalked up to adrenaline. It doesn’t really impress me.
But this does:
Devin Funck is getting a robot arm.
Even better than that is his decision to forgo all the cosmetic crap that would make it look like a human arm. He says: “Get me a robot arm that looks like the Terminator.”
This kid is about to become a cyborg and he doesn’t give a funck what the puny humans think about it. He’s just like: “Hi. I’m David Funck and yeah, my arm is robotic. And also — I’m going to dance with your wife while you get me a beer.”
That is awesome.
Then –as if that’s not an overload of cock and balls– you have to add this to the equation: He is being given Big Joe’s head. And you know what Mr. Devin Funck said about that?
“It takes my arm, I take its head.”
Now this is a kid that was worth having.
No wonder they call him The Living Legend.
