So now you’re me. You wake up braced for failure, you spend too much time getting dressed and then you blog about it. You go to work and then you socialize by ignoring people. But still, you aren’t having a great deal of sex. That’s about it. Now you’re Ryan Oakley. There’s only one more thing you need to know:
How the fuck do you deal with being Ryan Oakley?
It’s not like you can head out, get drunk and forget that you’re Ryan Oakley. You’re not taking a bunch of drugs and leaving Ryan Oakley at the door. Nope. Wherever you go, there’s Ryan Oakley. And Ryan Oakley is judging you. Harshly. You don’t measure up. You wore your hat indoors? You’re no Ryan Oakley.
So how do you handle living with such an asshole? And working with such an asshole. Sleeping with him? He talks in his sleep and eats in bed! Leaves a mess all over the place. Forgets to do something important and obsesses over something irrelevant. You wake up and he’s still there, staring you down in the mirror again. Shaking his head. Thinking he’s all better than you and shit. Just who does he think he is?
Oh yeah. He’s Ryan Oakley.
So how to you cope with that? I have no idea. I just don’t take Ryan Oakley too seriously. He doesn’t take himself very seriously. Or you. Especially when you’re being serious. He’s the sort of fellow that laughs at a funeral. Then laughs at himself for laughing at a funeral.
But, as funny as it is, it’s still not easy to be Ryan Oakley. In the past, some people have tried to be Ryan Oakley. He gave them the opportunity to be them via him. Given this freedom, some people were responsible and some people were not. Some people even managed to be bigger assholes than Ryan Oakley. And that’s saying something! But you give a person a mask and you find out the truth.
Some people are assholes. Even Ryan Oakley. Especially him. And he will judge.
