New Theme Week: How to Be Me!
By Ryan Oakley. Filed in how to be ryan oakley, theme week |
The elusive Ryan Oakley spotted in the wild. Is it evidence of the creature’s existence?
A few days ago, I made a joke about this article. I threatened to do a “How to Be Ryan Oakley” theme week. But it was just a joke. Later that day, on my way to work, I saw a bad version of myself. His hat was huge and didn’t suit his face, he slouched as he walked, the suit looked as if it belonged to his father and the only reason he had a cane was because he was crippled.
That’s it, I thought. There does need to be a theme week about how to be me. I have a feeling that little Ryan Oakleys are going to start popping up all over the place. They need to understand that they are only Little Ryan Oakleys. There is only one actual Ryan Oakley. I hope they enjoy my shadow.
They also need to know how difficult it is to be me. You can’t just throw on a suit and poof — Instant Ryan Oakley. It takes thought, dedication and years of practice. It’s fucking tough. I even have a hard time being Ryan Oakley. I usually fail at it. But at least I know what I’m aiming at.
I haven’t spent all these hours gazing into a mirror because I like how I look. I did not just wake up one morning with definite opinions on pocket squares. And I did not do all this so that some fashionable twits can bite my shit, fuck it up and then move on to the next thing by the time they just start to figure it out.
Being Ryan Oakley is a craft. It demands respect and dedication. You cannot just buy it at the store. I am in only in year two of a ten year sartorial plan. So, if some people need to be me before they figure out how to be them, I have some sympathy. Not very much but some. I too had to learn from my betters. So these twits might as well try to learn from theirs. That is, me.
