Through the magic of internets, I have learned that The Grumpy Owl is banned in China. Although I suspect this has something to do with Chairman Mao’s notorious indifference to neckties and great love of moles, no one has sent me a memo to explain it. I can only assume that the Chinese government is afraid of me.
It does feel nice to make an entire regime quiver in terror at the thought of sassy comments about cufflinks but I’m irritated that they’d deny me a market share. And it’s a huge market. What do I need to do? Open a factory and employ prisoners? Shoot a monk? How can I make the communist party love me?
I don’t even know how they heard about me. There must be some sort of machine looking at keywords but maybe –just maybe– there’s some fellow sitting in a basement all day, deciding what is good dogma and what is bad. I guess I’m bad. So bad that if their people read me, their society would just collapse.
I’ve never felt so awful for the Chinese. It’s almost unthinkable that a billion people should be denied my wit and wisdom. Those poor beleaguered souls. This must be the worst thing that has ever happened to them. The very worst. No doubt about it.
6 comments
thesubadultyears
June 7, 2008 at 10:38 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh please, I didn’t shoot anybody and I’m banned too.
I think it’s pretty curious as i-want-i-got isn’t banned and she has links to articles about the Chinese clothing industry. I think you may have mentioned China about all of five times on your blog and at the time I checked whether my blog, and by extension yours, I had only blogged for a month although I did mention Article 23, which is the most anti-Chinese government I wrote that I can think of.
I think our problem is that the bot or person in a basement doing the banning really loves fashion because all the fashion blogs are available over there.
Its a mix blessing for me that China is banned as my blog is not seen as patriotic and I don’t really want to going through more comments telling me that I’m a “running dog for ___” than usual.
Ryan Oakley
June 8, 2008 at 3:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There might have been some confusion here. What I was trying to say is that if I shot a monk I might be unbanned. They seem to like that sort of thing. A bit of a hobby. Like fox hunting or golf.
But, in the interest of avoiding confusion, I almost changed the sentence order. Then to add some, I didn’t. Or maybe I did.
thesubadultyears
June 9, 2008 at 12:03 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
oh ok, I read it again and I see what you mean.
I don’t know how you would get unbanned. From what I’ve read, WordPress uses a third party filter in order to be able to set up shop in China. I don’t know if the filter refreshes itself to ban a previously open site or to unban a banned site.
If it matters that much to you, you can quietly remove your offensive content and hope that the filter is refreshed.
I won’t judge you.
Ryan Oakley
June 11, 2008 at 2:12 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I could do that. It wouldn’t be the first time. But I don’t see the point here. The idea strikes me as insane. Insane.
Miss Havisham, bitter anti-bride
June 11, 2008 at 5:59 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
We need to get the official list of words banned from Google China. Then write around it..
Ryan Oakley
June 12, 2008 at 1:18 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m not writing around shit. I don’t care if they read me or not. I need China about as much as China needs me.