[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCwVT7IY2RQ&eurl=http://www.godsgirls.com/members/Eva]
Some of you have probably been expecting a birthday party post. There really isn’t much to talk about.
People touched me. I hate that. Since I’m now thirty, I don’t think I should have to put up with it. But I’ve been saying that since I was ten. No one listens. But could everyone just keep their fucking hands off me?
I only received two gifts. A couple of bags of Turkish Coffee from Melly, who was in Israel but came all the way back to Canada. I can only assume she did this for my birthday. And I’m going to keep this coffee around to just prove that, even though I grew a Hitler mustache and have a Nazi fetish, I’m no anti-semite. That coffee is like joining the NDP or dating a minority. I must give a shit. It’s a get out of jail free card.
And look — there’s a Jew and he’s touching me! You can see my great love of his people in my eyes.
Well, coffee and hugs aside, I probably am an anti-semite. If it makes you feel better — and it shouldn’t– I hate your group too. Even if your group is anti-semitic.
Judaism seems about as ridiculous as everything else. Like Islam or Christianity, Buddhism or the Hindus, I disapprove of their rituals, holidays and superstitions. Basically, everything they believe is wrong. And their hats are silly. Every religion seems founded on goofy headwear.
But I do like that they killed Jesus. That guy was a loudmouth.
I also received some cinnamon rolls baked by Danielle. But she’s white so these were useless and I ate them. Although they were tasty, they failed to prove anything about what a great, open-minded guy I am. I can already say whatever I want about white folks. They’ve been trying and failing to disown me for years.
The feeling is mutual. I can’t stand their hats.
Remember that jester craze? Well, that’s when I first tried to divorce these assholes. (Irreconcilable differences.) And watching Bush speak makes me feel something like how a black guy must feel watching Fiddy rap. It’s embarrassing to even be associated with these nuts. They don’t seem to realize that some of us have to go about our lives and would like to do so without being judged by their lunacy.
But, I will say this for the crackers, they can bake good cinnamon rolls. Danielle’s were quite tasty.
3 comments
shalome
May 8, 2008 at 2:09 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Note to self: Don’t touch Ryan Oakley, he is old,grumpy, and racist (esp. against the Belgians).
amiescott
May 9, 2008 at 12:50 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Dinkface, I gave you a present, too.
Ryan Oakley
May 11, 2008 at 3:41 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I would say I hate everyone equally but it’s true — I hate the Belgians more than anyone.
Yes Amie, you did give me a present but you gave it to me a few days before my birthday so I was hoping you’d buy me another one. Thanks for letting me down.