I know it’s asking for trouble but I listen to conspiracy radio. I also listen to a lot of right wing, angry-old-white-people talk radio.

The maniacs on both amuse me. I still haven’t figured out which group is crazier. Some of these people really need professional help. Instead the hosts just encourage their delusions to sell advertising time.

I like that. It’s fucking evil.

But tonight’s show actually irritated me.

The host rambled and mumbled for ages about how Jesus was not really born on December 25. Fair enough. He probably wasn’t actually born at all but people like to think he, you know, existed.

Whatever the case, this gentleman professed to not only know the day Jesus wasn’t born on — a pretty easy goal — but claimed to have figured out the day that he was born on: September 11.

Of course.

I really should have seen that coming through the muddy logic. But I didn’t. Then he said a bunch of things about the Jews and Freemasons, who apparently form something called the Illuminati. And they run the world. I did see that coming. It’s always about secret cabals and secret cabals are always about the Jews. It’s a rule.

Now, I’ve met Jews and I’ve met Freemasons. Frankly, these people don’t seem capable of running the world. They seem to have the same trouble running their lives as everyone else. I just can’t imagine them pulling off any conspiracy, let alone the ones they’re accused of. Like faking the holocaust. That’s no small task. You would probably have to commit one to fake one.

Just who do these people think the Jews are? I know that some of them wear funny hats but funny hats don’t make a worldwide conspiracy. They don’t mean any more harm than your average human. And most people wear funny hats. The Jews are treated like the butler in a bad mystery. No matter who got killed, they did it.

And the Freemasons? They’re even bigger losers than the Jews. Seriously, these guys can hardly run a bar tab. They have the world under complete mind control? I fucking doubt it. The whole damn thing is a social club for douche-bags. Is it even a religion? Who knows? I always figured it was some sort of gay thing.

You know, like the Catholics.