I really hate having a mustache. Every cancer victim should thank me for doing this. I don’t think they understand my suffering. Perhaps if they got over themselves for a moment, they could understand just how awful this is and grovel at my feet to thank me.
For starters, when I kiss my cats, I now get their hair in my mustache. That tickles! It’s very annoying and it makes me sneeze. I’ve had to stop kissing my cats altogether.
The other thing is that I got a haircut the other day and now I look like a cross between Major Dad and Freddy Mercury. It’s bad enough that this mustache has changed my appearance but it has done so for the worse. I hardly recognize myself when I look in the mirror.
I do not understand why anyone would want pubic hair on their face. Let me clarify that — I don’t understand why anyone would want their pubic hair on their face. It’s awful.
This is certainly a case of the cure being worse than the disease. At least it’ll all be over in a week. In the meantime, you can still donate here.
4 comments
Elliot
November 24, 2007 at 4:11 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Pity is you.
Indeed, much worse than the chemo.
Ryan Oakley
November 24, 2007 at 6:19 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Finally – someone who understands!
Johnny LaRue
November 24, 2007 at 8:44 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey Ryan. It’s a regular from LaHa. I’ve gotta close friend who sometimes calls me Major Dad, all because of a helloween from a few years back. (Okay, maybe I’m just waiting for my porn to download and I figured I’d write you to pass the time.) No, it’s actually true: I’ve got a Major Dad moment in my life. So I feel a connection. Another one: that Biggie Smalls/Hitler video really made my day the other night. (Sad when it’s the eleventh hour and your day still hasn’t been made.) So I wanna donate. But not over the internet. Can I give you cash in person? If I was really savy I’d email you with this question, but, well, my machine ain’t been greased lately and it’s running a bit rough.
Ryan Oakley
November 24, 2007 at 3:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Sure, I’ll take your money. I’m working tonight starting at 6:30-7. Drop it off then if you want. I’ll buy you a beer.
And we all call you Major Dad. Just not to your face.