I don’t want to have sex with a robot. That’s not to say that I won’t have sex with a robot. It’s just not my first choice. I’m probably not alone in this. For now. According to Dr. David Levy, humans will be fucking and loving robots by 2050.

I don’t doubt the fucking part. Humans will fuck anything. If it has a hole, some guy, somewhere, has put his dick into it. And if if it vibrates, some woman, somewhere, has pressed against it. That’s just human nature. We like our genitals to be stimulated. But falling in love with the things?

Well, he’s probably right about that too. Furthermore, robots won’t even have to be smart for people to fall in love with them. I love my cats and they’re stupid. They don’t even stimulate my genitals — unless the orange one stepping on my balls counts. But that hurts and makes me angry with the little fellow.

Here’s what I don’t believe: “If a wife says to the husband, ‘Not tonight, I’ve got a headache,’ she could then say, ‘Why don’t you make it with the robot.’” Dr. Levy may be right that she could say that but I doubt she ever will say that.

Sure, it might be, as he contends, just another form of masturbation but so is a hooker. How often does a wife say: “Sorry hon, got a headache, why don’t you go rent yourself a whore?” Not very often.

And, according to Levy’s own argument, we will be able to love these things. If they’re good enough to fuck and good enough to love, they’re good enough to be jealous of. He can’t just switch their roles from almost-human-lover to machine-whore every time he feels like it. And if he can’t even do it in theory, we won’t be able to do it in practice. Our wives will not allow it.