I’m very itchy. I feel just like a certain young Austrian runner for the 16th Bavarian Reserve Regiment when he was hit with mustard gas in the trenches of the First World War. It was a good thing that his superior officer had ordered him to shave his unruly mustache into a more efficient shape; one that would allow him to put the gas mask on. And just like that odd little fellow, I too feel ready to fly into a girlish panic and develop a hysterical case of blindness.
For today, I have decided to solve the problem of my slovenly appearance with a velvet jacket. I think that if I have to look like I just crawled out of a knocking shop after a three day hemp binge, I might as well really look like I just crawled out of a knocking shop after a three day hemp binge. And nothing says whores and jazz cigarettes like velvet.
Or itching. Did I mention that it’s itchy? I feel like I have case of crabs on my face.
Anyway, thanks to the generosity of Elliott, who has no website and a rabid hatred of Facebook, I am now up to $45. You can add here.
2 comments
Mr Sauls
November 8, 2007 at 3:20 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
My dear Sir,
Is that a rosebud?
Say it is not so. And not even a fresh one.
You shock me, Sir.
Yours devotedly,
RJS
Ryan Oakley
November 8, 2007 at 5:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It is a rosebud. A dead one.
This is not to say that beauty should die, simply to accept that it does die. And yet, in spite of that, should still be worn.
I hope you quickly recover from your shock. It does terrible things to one’s face.