After being so cruelly betrayed by her publicist and persecuted by an obviously jealous judicial system, Paris Hilton has won a minor victory. She had been put under mansion arrest.
While this is not yet enough to be called justice, it is certainly a step in the right direction. Los Angeles County Sheriff Dept. Spokesman and long-time advocate for socialite rights, Steve Whitmore, said in a statement issued to the press: “It’s a complicated electronic situation.”
What remains uncomplicated is her shocking medical condition. During her incarceration, Ms. Hilton had discovered that prison made her sad.
A source informed People Magazine that: “She cries all day. She looks unwashed, she has no makeup and her hair is tangled. She cried audibly through the first two nights.”
It is further presumed that she was not given a harmonica to lend voice to her beautiful lament or a metal cup to ring against the prison bars as a raging protest against this unjust confinement.
But even without these props, she heroically refused to look or act her best. Her constant caterwauling and bathing strike eventually forced the authorities to act. Some are saying that their response was slow –having taken five days– and inadequate. “She was not released,” said Whitmore. “She was reassigned.”
Ms. Hilton is now confined to a space 3,000 to 4,000 feet large. She is not allowed to attend the parties that bring such joy into her life and form an integral part of her culture. While there is no word about whether she will continue her brave protest or be satisfied with such tepid half-measures, Whitmore said that this modern day Gandhi “was … focused, let’s put it that way.”
7 comments
Anonymous
June 7, 2007 at 10:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Gotta hand it to good looking blondes . They have a knack for working the “justice ” system . Remember Carla ?
Be black, poor and ugly and see what your tears will get you . What a fucked up system . Hope the inmates riot .
Rob Owens
June 8, 2007 at 1:00 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
We all know that Americans expect by way of their heritage that the an buy anything they want, and bedamned anyone who stands in their way.
Medically, this is termed psychopathic personality disorder, so I suppose that’s what got her off the jail hook.
Ryan Oakley
June 8, 2007 at 5:59 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That’s hot.
geekigirl
June 8, 2007 at 6:08 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
it’s a double t.
that’s hott
Ryan Oakley
June 8, 2007 at 7:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Whatt?
Did you read her book or something?
Grisel Schoenhut
July 27, 2010 at 12:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
We’ve been watching Paris Hilton’s BFF. Where do they get these people? They’re from another world!
Eliana Darras
August 17, 2010 at 4:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hello, Paris is a cool girl