And it does not buy class. For that matter, class does not buy class. It cannot be transferred by the blood, just as it cannot be purchased from a local merchant. True class is a series of little choices. It is about how you regard yourself, treat those around you and, most importantly, it’s about always wearing underpants in public. Breeding or money has nothing to do with it. Breeding is for farm animals. Money is for poor people. Forget them both.

Underpants, however, are for humans. Remember them.

Here’s a story to help you better understand the difference between money and manners, the difference between expensive vulgarity and genuine class. Pay attention, it’s part of our lesson plan.

One night, an obviously well-moneyed group of people came into the restaurant where I work. They were politely informed that we were closing in forty minutes. They were fine with this and ordered their food, a pitcher of margaritas, which made them very happy and very noisy. I believe they were film people of some kind.

Last call was called upon them. They wanted nothing else. Ten minutes later, the group’s alpha male approached the waiter and asked for a round of shots. Because this is a quick and easy service to provide, the waiter agreed and asked him what he would like.

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was being done a favour, the customer expressed sneering discontent at our Tequila selection. There was nothing expensive or, as he put it “top shelf” enough, for his tastes. He demanded another pitcher of margaritas. He was refused.

Watching this, I quickly got the impression that he was not accustomed to being refused. He shouted over to his friends that they were being cut-off. He tried to raise a ruckus, thinking he could embarrass or pressure the server into acquiescence. In this he was mistaken. We are not slaves. His loutish friend, who wore a polo shirt that said “VISA” across its front, started yelling: “Grease him! Grease him!”

This, friends, was the moment where manners and money totally diverge and manners win.

I am in favour of bribes and work in an industry that runs upon them. (This was even an appropriate situation.) But, if you intend to offer a bribe, shouting it across a restaurant is not your best approach. It sullies what could be a fine moment in your life.

Just imagine doing it quietly – doing it with class. If refused, no one is embarrassed. If successful, you return to your table like a triumphant warrior, carrying with him, a pitcher of drinks and an extra hour. You need never even say that money was involved. Write it all up to your charm. If you’re feeling imaginative, say it is some sort of payback for mysterious favors rendered in distant lands. That is how it is done properly.

But doing things properly is never a matter of simply having the money to do them. These things require subtlety. They require manners. Cash guarantees neither.

Gentlemen, imagine that you are on a date. Do you buy the lady dinner or do you merely offer her the price of a meal? It’s the same price but you might quickly learn of how little import money is. Buying her dinner shows respect for her character and her independence. Whether this respect is genuine or not, is your business. But it shows that things remain her choice.

Money should never be used as a bludgeon. While it is true that people need it, they also need dignity. So you might be rich and you might be poor. Neither should be an impediment to proper behavior. Class is equally possible to pauper or prince. Remember that. It’s important.