I’m always surprised at how much I enjoy drunk people when I’m sober. It’s strange because I always hated sober people when I was drunk. Actually, I kinda hate them when I’m sober too.
It may sound like I’m sitting on a high horse, thinking – oh you poor debauched fools, but it’s nothing like that. I just find drunks really entertaining. They say funny things, fall over and act pretty silly. It’s like having the circus come to town. Sober people never do this shit.
Drunks are easy to get along with when they’re happy and when they’re mad, they’re easy to knock out. They’re a lot like children.
It’s true that you’re not going to have a lot of deep and meaningful conversations with drunks but you will have an experience. That’s better than talking about experiences anyway.
And by staying sober, I’m able to partake in their craziness with a clear mind. That is a lot more fun than you might expect. I can even remember what happened. That might bother some people but my friends are well-aware that while I have strict and stoic morals, I’ve never wanted to apply them to anyone else. Attempting to make people behave or think like me is futile. Even if I was successful, the results would be grotesque, like making a barnful of pigs walk on two legs.
I just like being helpful. I can lift people back into their seats, deal sensibly with any intrusive authority figures, apply first aid and be a benefit to all and sundry. “You left your cigarettes over there,” I say or “Here’s that hat you left in the fridge.” My goal is not to tsk-tsk about who humped or insulted who, but to help everyone have fun. I like that. And best of all, I don’t ever have to deal with me. From what I’ve heard, that fellow is a bit of handful at the best of times. We won’t talk about the worst.
