I’ve formed a fascist political party. And I’m not kidding. We’ll be ready to run in three years for Toronto’s next municipal election.
As fascists, we’re not in the business of making promises. It’s bad enough that we have to ask you animals to vote for us. Promising you a treat is totally out of the question. What are you? A begging dog asking for a turkey in every pot and car in every garage? Grow up. You will get nothing but misery from us.
We understand that we need a scapegoat. It will not be the Jews or any other race slash religion. At this point in history, picking on those people is like being a serial killer who murders hookers. It’s easy and there’s no style to it.
No, underlings, we are going after a real threat – Pedophiles.
Fuck the terrorists. They just kill children. Pedophiles fuck then kill children. Anyone found guilty of this act will be destroyed. They will be sent to an open air cage in the tundra. Murderers who have behaved well will be released to hunt them. It will televised on primetime CBC. (A half hour after Hockey Night in Canada.)
Toronto will form The Axis of Concrete with Vancouver and Montreal. We will all secede from our respective provinces and demand – upon threat of Total War – to be placed above them. The East Coast cities may have an honourary inclusion in this Axis. Especially you Newfoundland. I know how you feel. And so it goes, not just for Toronto and the other big cities but also for the whole GTA. We are one people – beset upon by Ottawa.
You have a choice Toronto. You have a choice Vancouver. You have a choice Montreal. And East Coasters, you have a choice too. Canada is the one who will have no choice.
Vote Dystopian Party. We are the last ballot you will ever cast.
