“Would that the Roman people had but a single neck (so I may cut off their head)” is probably one of the most pleasant things Caligula ever said.

This successor to Tiberius didn’t start off as crazy but few people do. He started by banishing sex offenders, rewarding troops and was called “Our Baby” or “Our Star” by the Roman people. That, unfortunately did not last.

No one knows exactly what happened. Some say he got sick and then went berserk. Others say that his will was thwarted by the Senate, and then went berserk. But one thing is clear: Caligula went berserk.

No one really knows what happened during his reign. It is the most poorly recorded of all the emperors. Truth mixes with fiction throughout. (I always favour fiction.) He must have totally traumatized the public because everyone agrees that he was a monster. A horrible monster who’s name is now synonymous with insanity, cruelty and tyranny.

But he really knew how to throw a dinner party.

After inviting the creme de la creme of Roman society over, he’d force them to eat plates of steaming human shit. If you were a Senator’s wife, he’d take you to another room and have sex with you. Then you’d both return and he’d brag about it in front of your terrified husband. You might have to hear about how he was going to make his horse – who was already a priest – a member of the Senate.

And that was just how he entertained. You can imagine what his politics were like. He figured that he was a God and once had his troops collect seashells as proof of his triumph over Neptune. He persecuted the Jews and erected statues of himself in their temples. Saying there weren’t enough criminals to feed the lions at the coliseum, he’d throw in spectators. He blasphemed left and right, had sex with his sisters and everyone – maybe everything – else and humiliated everyone he ever met. Some say that he had a strange sense of humour.

Not surprisingly, a lot of people tried to kill this motherfucker. The Praetorian Guard stopped them every time. Then they finally killed him, the last blow being landed against his cock and balls. Then they murdered his whole family and no one complained except for Caligula’s sole loyal guard – a German – who tried to kill everyone involved and managed to protect Claudius – the sole heir. Claudius became emperor and wasn’t nearly as entertaining as his dear old dad.