Apparently the Russians cannot run into a hail of enemy gunfire fast enough. So they’ve invented the Powerboot.
While shoe improvements in the decadent west have been gimmicks – think Nike Air and Reebok Pump – these Russian things are powered by biofuel. In them, you can run 25mph and take strides of about 12 feet.
That’s pretty damn fast.
So in these things, you should be able to get down to the Vodka store and home before your wife even knows you’re gone. You’ll be able to line up and wait for bread much quicker than other people. Once again, Grandma will be able to hunt down your unruly children and beat them with a stick. You should be able to catch even the quickest female and turn her into a part of the illegal sex trade in no time. Russian “businessmen” will now be the height of fashion, wearing their tracksuits, dress-shoes and powerboots. You could even stick these on a dancing bear. In short, you can be Ill Mitch fast and danger.
