There is something vile about Christmas. Even those who love this holiday occasionally glimpse the rancid heart beating below all of the pretty lights. They might not admit it but they know it’s there.
It’s hard to put your finger on what’s wrong. It might be the shrieking greedy children, the inevietable tramplings at the start of the shopping season then again on Boxing Day, the forced cheer, the annual debate about “X-Mas” or the stupid filthy lie about Santa Claus.
I blame Santa.
What sort of society perpetuates such an idiotic lie? Every year I watch newscasters pretend to track this fat old elf with NORAD. And every year I hope that they’ll scramble jets and blow him right out of the sky. One missile should do the job nicely.
What sort of society believes they can get away with such an idiotic lie?
A lot of people say that they can remember the moment when they stopped believing in Santa. I cannot. But I do remember pretending to believe in him so I’d keep getting the loot. That went on until I was twenty one.
Christmas is a battle of wits. On one side you have adults who think kids are dumb enough to believe that a reindeer-drawn cart can circumvent the enire globe in one night or that a fat man can fit down a chimney. (Who has a chimney anymore? Anyone?) On the other side are the children; pretending to be that dumb so they can con their hapless, eggnog swilling parents out of a stockingful of crap. But no one wins.
Well, okay, maybe the kids win.
2 comments
melly
December 12, 2005 at 10:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ryan, wasn’t it Coca Cola that made Santa mainstream?
I mean, it all began as a satirical work of fiction and …
well, I’m sure you know the whole history.
But it’s funny what you say about the kids. I always wondered if kids really do believe that s&*t and figured they were too smart, but the movies keep on insisting…
Anyways, I’m staying out of this one
Ryan Oakley
December 14, 2005 at 10:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m gonna get right into this one;) I know, I know, that’s not really my style but . . .
Kids pretend to believe in Jesus too. Just so God won’t send them to hell.
Little buggers.